I want you to find your way. 

Stick with me for a sec. 

I have a few principles that I operate by as a coach. 

The first is, it all starts with you. 

In moving through this program, you will be your first client. You will apply all of the principles and processes to you, your relationships and your business (even if you don’t have one yet). When you go through these processes and apply these principles to your life, you will gain an embodied clarity and natural empathy for your clients and what they’re dealing with. Plus, your life and your relationships will get even better! And that will make you even more attractive as a coach. 

The second is, there is no right way. I truly believe that there is no “right” way to do relationships and to do your business. 

The first thing that people say to this is, “Yeah, but there certainly are wrong ways.”

Let me see if I can shift your perspective on that. 

Instead of looking at it from the perspective of there are “right” and “wrong” ways to do things, I take on the perspective that there are things that “work” and things that “don’t work.” 

Things that may work in your relationship may not work for other people. Heck, we can just look at polyamorous relationships for this incredible example. You can have multiple partners and something that might work with one partner, may not work for another partner. 

And that’s because we have different backgrounds, traumas, communication styles, wants, needs and on and on. 

So if we take on the perspective that some things are “right” and “wrong” in relationships, then when those “right” things don’t work for some people, they feel wrong. And when you feel wrong, that induces shame. And when we feel shame, we get stuck in unhealthy patterns, we get traumatized, we traumatize others, we stop communicating, we get frustrated, etc. You’ve experienced shame. How well did shame work for you as a learning tool for healthy relationships?

Exactly. 

So when we apply this principle of there is no “right” way, there is just what works and what doesn’t work, and different things work for different people, to both relationships and business, where does that leave us?

That leaves us with what I call ‘anchor points.’ These anchor points of relationships and of business, create a framework for each person to construct their own blueprints from. 

When you are an architect, you don’t learn how to build one type of building. There isn’t a “right” building and a “wrong” building. There are foundational tools for constructing buildings that lay the foundation and create the integrity of each building. 

It’s the same with relationships and with business. 

When you learn these foundational anchor points, you can apply them to your relationships, your coaching and your business.

From there, you will be able to help your clients in whatever dynamic they are in so that it works for them. Simultaneously, you’ll be able to create your own relationships and business in ways that work best for YOU. 

The third principle I operate on as a coach is, I want to get to the source of whatever is going on with my clients and I will teach you how to do the same. 

What do I mean by that?

I mean that when our clients come to us with a problem in their relationships, they will usually share the problem as it appears on the surface. Or they will share the problem and the solution that they want, as it appears on the surface. 

An example being, there was something that happened that broke trust in the relationship. So they come to you and say, “We are having difficulty with our communication and need some help.”

Great. You can absolutely give them communication tools to use. However, the best communication tools are not going to fully repair the broken trust since unhealthy communication is not the source of the issue. 

Whenever something happens in a relationship, it has a deeper impact on us as humans. Sticking with this example, there could now be thoughts of doubts from one of the partners. There could also be an emotional charge from the scenario, where one partner will now get triggered whenever something similar happens, even with the new communication tool that they have . Or perhaps, when the original event happened, one or both partners experienced a trigger that had nothing to do with that moment. For example, a wound from their childhood comes up. 

So all of that is at play and in digging into and finding the source (or sources) of the upset from that situation, we not only have the opportunity to fully heal from this one instance, but even begin to heal deeper wounds. This will serve to help the partners understand one another better, gain more compassion and empathy for one another, be more connected and by doing that, communication will improve. 

By going to the source of an issue, the surface level problem tends to get worked out naturally in the process.